Going Crazy....

It seems like the closer we get to the day we leave to go back to the northwest... the closer we get to the day husband gets home... the further away it seems.

I've really been struggling the last few days. Everything that has happened in the last year and a half seems to be hitting me full force. At times I've wanted to hide. Other times I've simply felt profoundly sad. At all times I have longed for my husband.

I worry about my trip back with the baby and getting things in the beginning stages of set up in the new house during the few days before husband gets home. I worry about the homecoming and readjustment--that I have focused on this day for so long that I'm setting myself up for disappointment. That things won't be as wonderful as I want them to be.

Mostly though, I just long for him. The reality of how much I need him pounds at me all day long. I know that the need of his physical presence is one that can wait a few more weeks... But soldiering on alone in all of the day-to-day challenges and in the depths of deeply difficult emotions just seems so hard some days.

I will do it. I will do it for him. I will do it for our daughter. I will do it because I have no choice.

And somehow I know the grace of God will sustain me.

And in a few short (or not) weeks we will be in one another's arms again.